Considering this is the last day when I can do pretty much whatever I want here at Man, I Love Films, I figured I’d take advantage of the editorial feature here and talk about something that’s been on my mind for awhile now. Why don’t people watch horror movies?
There are some people, many whom write for this very site, who admit they don’t like horror movies or only seen a few. I can’t imagine having to go through my entire life without watching The Exorcist, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Shining, and yes Friday the 13th. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without Friday the 13th. I’d probably be named Nedrick and be into math and living in a basement apartment and swear to everyone in the accounting department that the landlady is NOT my Mom.
One question I get asked a lot is “Why do I watch these movies where awful deplorable things happen to seemingly innocent people?” My answer to that is simple: why do women watch romantic movies?
Bear with me on this. Women watch romantic movies because they’re all about a woman who wants to find the perfect man, and she finds one hunky beefcake and they get all passionate and he’s perfect in every way. Women then look over at their boyfriends or husbands, who’s either drooling in their sleep, or reading some sports magazine while farting and drinking beer. Are they gonna leave their boyfriends or husbands and try to hook up with Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling? No, they’re not. But they can enjoy the fantasy of fucking Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling.
Same goes for how I can watch fucked up horror movies. I KNOW it’s fake. I know the chick getting chainsawed in half is just some actress who couldn’t land a part in the Ryan Gosling film so she’s doing this to pay the bills. I know the guy under the mask isn’t really a psycho serial killer. But also, it’s escapism.
I’m sure there’s been some period in your life where you said “UGH! I hate that guy! I just want to kill him!” but you never do it because you know you’ll get caught and sent to prison where you’ll learn how much a man’s anus CAN hold. What’s a more perfect way to escape than watching some guy in a mask kill a bunch of people. There’s a reason why all the victims in horror movies are dumb teenagers: because real life teenagers are fucking annoying. (GET OFF MY LAWN!)
I love watching movies, both good and bad. I’ll watch ALMOST anything (within the genres I love). When Tarantino releases a movie, I’m the first in line. When Alien Bloodsucking Feet Part 29 is released, I instantly get it on Netflix. I just enjoy watching them. And honestly, these movies have a lot of awesome gems in them. Without Snakes on a Plane we wouldn’t have “I’VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!” Without Friday the 13th Part 6 we wouldn’t have Horshack trying to bring Jason Voorhees to life. Without Shark Attack 3, we wouldn’t know what to do when you’re pretty wired from chasing a giant shark all day. (Answer here)
And so I end this with a question: why NOT horror movies? Give them a chance. I’m not saying you have to watch The Human Centipede or A Serbian Film. True story: a girl I went to school with put on her Facebook “I need suggestions for a good scary movies for the kids” and I replied back The Monster Squad! She responded: “Oh no! I don’t wanna give the kids nightmares. I think we’ll watch Casper instead!”
Man, she has NO idea what she’s missing.
(Later tonight, my takeover ends where I review the perfect “HALLOWEEN” (wink) film.)