AFTER JERSEY SHORE CANCELLATION, SNOOKI EYES REMAKE OF WHAT A GIRL WANTS

Because fame is a fickle thing, Snooki has decided to take the recent announcement of Jersey Shore‘s cancellation as a sign to pursue her acting career. How does she plan to strike while she thinks the iron is hot? By remaking the 2003 Amanda Bynes rom-com, What a Girl Wants, itself a remake of The Reluctant Debutante from 1958. However, the new version of the film will feature drastic departures from both scripts, as Snooki has said she wants to insert her own sensibilities into her character.

Snooki took some time out of her busy tanning schedule to discuss plot details with Man, I Love Funny, and while readers might not like the changes she has in store, at least you can admire her honesty. “First of all,” the bronzed bombshell said. “I’m not gonna play someone who wants to change who they are just to meet a dead-beat dad, okay? Snooki is gonna go to London, and she’s gonna smush the shit out of it. It’ll be really hot.”

Snooki wastes no time beginning pre-smush festivities after arriving in London

 Unfortunately for producers of the movie, Snooki doesn’t seem to really understand the nuances that come with actually acting a role. According to one executive producer, “She doesn’t seem to know her character’s name, and she keeps asking why we’re not filming her as she burns dinner and calls her assistant a ‘whore who just wants to get it in.’”

The original – and more accurate – version of Snooki’s posing for the poster

As for the romantic lead opposite her, Snooki doesn’t know who it’s going to be, but she has some demands. “My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice-head, guido. I guess that, plus British.” I’m told that open casting calls based on the description will begin within the week. Phone calls to Colin Firth asking to address the rumor he’ll be reprising his role as Snooki’s overseas father have yet to be returned, and they likely never will be.