STALLONE AND SCHNEIDER TOAST BOX OFFICE FAILURE OF DREDD 3D

Dredd 3D may have been the better reviewed of the two cinematic incarnations of the beloved comic book character, but box office performance is the real law, and the new film was unsuccessful in its attempt to keep North American audiences upholding it. Generating a meager $6.3 million over the weekend will likely get Karl Urban’s rising star status sentenced to an iso-cube. (dammit Jim he’s a doctor not a judge!) The failure of the reboot was not unnoticed by the two stars of the much maligned original 1995 Judge Dredd, and both Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider were seen toasting in a Hollywood club after D.O.A. status of the new film had been confirmed.

down and out for Dredd 3D, but bottoms up for Stallone and Schneider

Could this be vindication for the 95 turd? Stallone seems to think so. “Hey yo Urban,” said the Italian Stallion. “If you want to be a star, you gotta let people see your face! You shoulda took off the helmet! I mean…..at least my Dredd broke even, and I gotta believe showing off my beautiful mug had a lot to do with dat! Now people are gonna go back and appreciate what I did there ya know?”

Stallone thinks Urban should have followed his lead and ditched the helmet

As for Schneider, he actually bears no ill will towards Dredd 3D, and even praised its strengths at a recent screening. “Some good action and special effects, but I feel the film just needed a teeny bit of comic relief,” says Schneider. “Just imagine me after a massive hit of the slo-mo drug and yelling D…..R…..E…..D……D like 80 times! Whoah….did they miss a big opportunity there or what?!”

this sequence would have been even more amazing at 1% of our normal brain speed!

Hopefully Dredd 3D will find new life and gain the cult status it so richly deserves when it’s released to the home markets, but as for now, any sequel talk has been sentenced to death. It’s unfortunate that one of the most badass hard-R action films in a long time wasn’t supported more by audiences here in the states, but apparently there’s a low testosterone problem plaguing male ticket buyers. There are plenty of low T centers nationwide standing by to rectify that. All movie going men suffering with this issue should speak with their doctors and see if a shot of Dredd 3D can help.