Everything Else, Man, I Love Funny — November 19, 2012 at 3:00 pm

SURPRISING AMOUNT OF NON-TWILIGHT FANS SORRY IT’S OVER

by

The final installment of the Twilight franchise took the top spot at the North American box this weekend with a glittery 140 million dollar haul. One would think all the haters, critics, and everyone else over twelve years old would be happy it’s finally over, but the ultimate tale of Bella and Edward is turning out to be bittersweet. Man I Love Funny was able to get reactions from a broad spectrum of folks throughout the country about the end of a very special cinematic era.

Jimmy Kimmel and his writing staff were particularly upset about the franchise being done. “I could count on at least a couple of Twilight jokes a week for my monologue,” said the late night host. “I’m sad now because nobody will care who Kristen Stewart is screwing, and let me tell ya, that’s priceless material!”

Kimmel sad to see part of his joke mine gone

It’s not only industry folks who are mourning the series demise. Married couples like the Backshankers from Indiana are also lamenting the loss. “I only get laid about once a year,” said Mr. Backshanker. “I could always count on at least a couple of hours of special time with my wife whenever a new one of these turds came out. The Twilight films are the only ones my daughter will actually go to the theater and see. Now what the hell am I supposed to do when I need to bust a nut?”

 No more “special” time for Mr. Backshanker

One of the more unusual bouts of melancholy came from former teen sensation James Van Der Beek who was seen crying outside a recent Breaking Dawn screening. “I don’t even really know why I’m upset,” Van Der Beek whimpered. “I guess maybe I just understand what it’s like to never have any female fans over the legal age of consent just like Robert. I also know that like me, he’ll never have a substantial acting role ever again, and he’ll always have a co-star who becomes more famous. So excuse me if I’m rather weepy about the whole thing.”

Dawson’s Weep!…..sorry….bad joke

So how do you feel about the end of the sparkly, shirtless, vampire era?

2 Comments

  • I am definitely lamenting the loss of the franchise. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison, Taylor Lautner… all terrible actors who now have free time to intrude upon better projects. Hollywood is a lot like my basement; it looks a lot better if I can keep all my crap in one corner.

    • I don’t know if they’ll ever be in “better” projects, but I do love the idea of keeping the crap in one corner!

Leave a Reply

— required *

— required *