Everything Else, MILFnews — April 30, 2015 at 3:00 am



Editor’s Note: This is the first entry in a new column called MILFnews, which will appear at least once a week here at MAN, I LOVE FILMS. It will take you to the back pages of local newspapers, shedding the light on completely true and not-at-all-made-up stories that you might have missed while you were reading all of the click-bait film news items out there.

avengers age of ultron

LOS ANGELES, CA: In a move surprising everyone around him, a local man has decided not to see Avengers: Age of Ultron during it’s opening weekend, spurring those close to him to openly question his sanity and even suggest his admittance into a self-help program of some kind.

“I’m just not that excited to see it,” claims Stephen Rodgers, 28, who also added that there are several big sports events happening this weekend that he would rather be watching.

Rodgers, a self-proclaimed movie buff, says that he’s a little “overwhelmed” by the onslaught of comic book films over the last few years.

“Every single one becomes an extended preview for the next one – when does it stop? And haven’t we kind of seen this movie before? Let me guess… the superheroes are going to be on top of the world, a villain is going to take them by surprise, it’s going to seem really dire for a bit (hell, they might even have some infighting) and then they’ll band together in the end and come out on top? Oh, and maybe a side character will die at some point, too. That will add some drama to all of the events… because hundreds of bystanders definitely aren’t dying left and right!”

His closest friends have taken the news the hardest, citing pure shock when he told them he wouldn’t be attending the late-Thursday-night showing of the much-anticipated summer blockbuster:

“We bought our tickets a week or so ago and told him to get one too and he just… he never did. I have no idea why he’d feel the need to skip this movie,” bemoaned Anthony Sterk, a close friend of Rodgers.

“He’s just working too much,” claimed Bryce Biner, a friend of a friend of Rodgers. “But, I mean, really? He doesn’t have three hours to take out of his week to watch the most epic movie event of the year?”

A first-year high school teacher, Rodgers did mention his intense workload but also defended his decision by saying he is “content to wait out the barrage of fans who will be making local theaters a madhouse this coming weekend.”

“Have you been to a Hollywood movie theater when one of these things open? Parking blocks away, waiting in lines, smelling the fans… no thanks.”

Rumors are swirling that he is considering seeing the film on the Monday after the film’s release, but sources close to Rodgers say that it’s unlikely at best that actually happens.

“I heard he was more interested in Tomorrowland,” scoffed Josh Wheaton, one of Rodgers’ ex-friends. “He said something about wanting to see a more original movie. What a dummy!”

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON opens in every single theater near you on Friday.

1 Comment

  • THIS IS GENIUS. And to make my comment more useful: I love this article. And I’m considering to watch Avengers on tuesday because it’s cheap day 😀

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