Everything Else, Hot or Not? — June 10, 2011 at 3:00 am

HOT OR NOT?

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 The premise behind this one is simple. I’ve come to realize that there are several women in Hollywood that I find attractive but can’t, for the life of me, decide whether or not I think they are hot. So, I’m forcing the decision on to you, dear readers. Below you will find the arguments. The question is, are they Hot or Not?

SIDENOTE: This could easily be referred to as the pasty white girl edition.

AMY ADAMS.

Pros: Very pretty girl next door. Has a likeable, Julia Roberts quality about her.
Cons: If exposed to sunlight, may burst into flames.

CATE BLANCHETT.

Pros: May be a lesbian.
Cons: May be a lesbian.

SIDENOTE: I can’t get confirmation or denial on the lesbian thing so let’s try this again just in case she’s straight.

Pros: Beautiful bone structure. Great body. Pouty lips.
Cons: If you were to date her, you may be killed by rabid LOTR fans.

NICOLE KIDMAN.

Pros: Tall, thin and pretty with frizzy hair. I have a thing for frizzy hair!
Cons: Plastic surgery. May suffer from Scientology flashbacks and be made of porcelain.

TONI COLETTE.

Pros: If she’s method, the U.S. of Tara thing could be great in the bedroom.
Cons: A bit frumpy. British dental care.

RENEE ZELLWEGER.

Pros: Has a cute girl next door quality.
Cons: May have had something in her eye while sucking on a lemon after being stung by bees.

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Author: Master list maker and perpetuator of awesomeness!

30 Comments

  • Reply
    Univarn June 10, 2011 4:26 am

    Like any ‘real’ man, I judge a woman’s hotness on an entirely arbitrary, questionably sexist, scale that has nothing to do with their intelligence or personality. I just simply ask: can they beat Billy Zane in a break dancing battle?

    The sad part is we may never know as Zane has repeatedly failed to return my calls requesting he take part in an American Idol style Break Dancing competition alongside other female celebrities… therefore, I feel incapable of answering the above questions. But I shall try:

    1. Hot – if you stare at Amy Adams long enough you experience the big bang on a much smaller scale…

    2. Hot – in that, she’ll toss you around the room until you cry mommy, at which time she’ll cuddle you and you’ll feel all better, before tossing you around the room again…. sort of way? *shrug*

    3. Hot – Granted pre-Tom Cruise Nicole Kidman was much hotter than post-Tom Cruise Nicole Kidman (minus Moulin Rouge), but she did roll around on a boat with the Zane which I guess qualifies as break dancing…

    4. HobNob? Yes, I know I did nothing but change the t in hot and not to a b, combine them to form a rather well like brand of biscuit from the UK… but that’s the best answer I could come up with.

    5. Hot – Did you see Chicago? Of course she could beat Billy Zane in a break dancing competition!

    • Reply
      Dylan
      Twitter: manilovefilms
       June 10, 2011 3:53 pm

      I was with you on the ZaneDancing test, but method that results in the Zellweger being determined as Hot is obviously a failure.

      • Reply
        Univarn June 10, 2011 9:24 pm

        I agree the method ultimately ended up working against me. However, I toss much of that up to Zane’s consistent refusal to take part in my break dancing competition. Sure, it’d start as just a handful of people asking who the hell Billy Zane is in a basement with one vaguely working camera and clothes stolen from the closets of thirty year olds trying to relive their glory days, but it would obviously grow to become so much more!

  • Reply
    Wayne
    Twitter: waywardjam
     June 10, 2011 7:34 am

    Ooooh yeah! Now that I’ve taken a moment to appreciate this edition’s contenders, I must say:

    Amy – Smokin! Have you not seen her slink into the room in The Fighter?! Also recommended is Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. She wouldn’t burst into flames in sunlight, because she is a living piece of sunshine.

    Cate – Absolutely hot! I agree with Univarn there’s some whips and leather under her cool marble exterior. Her and Amy would have to fight for the crown of pasty white hottie.

    Nicole – NOT! I despise NK oh so much. That said, she was hot in To Die For, but most times she looks like walking death. In fact, I didn’t believe banshees existed until I saw her saunter down the red carpet. *shudder*

    Toni – Toni has grown on me. She’s one of those ladies who get better with age. A couple more years and she’ll have that Patricia Clarkson level of unexplainable allure.

    Renee – Or as she’s referred to in my home, Lemonface. Undoubtedly hot in Bridget Jones, but it’s been down hill from there. I can only assume the amazing suction generated by the Dyson installed in her skull is what kept Bradley Cooper smitten for so long.

  • Reply
    Nick June 10, 2011 8:14 am

    The hottest on this list is definitely Amy Adams. That’s all I shall say.

  • Reply
    Castor June 10, 2011 8:35 am

    Amy Adams is hot although probably less now that she got a baby.

    Cate Blanchett is hot but not really in a sexy kind of way. Maybe, as Univarn says, she’s got that mean streak lol

    Nicole Kidman: Was hot 10 years. Now, not being able to move your forehead is a major downer.

    Toni Collette: Great actress. Not hot though.

    Renee Zellweger: ahahahaha

    Sorry ladies.

    • Reply
      Dylan
      Twitter: manilovefilms
       June 10, 2011 3:55 pm

      I concur with nearly all of this, but could probably be convinced that Kidman was still hot, depending on how many items of clothing she was wearing (well, yeah, and how flexible her face was that day).

  • Reply
    Aiden R. June 10, 2011 10:08 am

    Nottest: Zellwegger.

    Hottest: For some reason, Blanchett. Girl’s kind of a badass, yo.

  • Reply
    SJHoneywell June 10, 2011 11:04 am

    Adams–Hot? Maybe not “hot” but definitely cute. She’s perky. I like perky.

    Blanchett–Hot, but in an odd way. Sort of untouchable hot. Hot, but you feel guilty for saying it.

    Kidman–Once upon a time hot. Not being able to express emotion makes her role in The Stepford Wives remake more ironic than anything.

    Collette–Kinda horsey. Not as horsey as Sarah Jessica Parker, but hell, Seabiscuit is less horsey than Sarah Jessica Parker.

    Zellwegger–”Girl next door quality” exists in this case only if you live next to a lemon orchard that fertilizes the trees with straight cow manure.

    So, I guess Hottish, Hottish, Not any more-ish, Not, Not even in the past.

  • Reply
    Pablo Pappano June 10, 2011 3:22 pm

    New list idea ugliest hot actress that you find strangely bangable.

  • Reply
    Melody June 10, 2011 3:38 pm

    All beautiful women Kai. Good choices. None of them HOTT! I would not fuck them or turn over doggy style and have my way with them if I was an Alpha male. These women are “love makers” NOT lets fuck makers.

  • Reply
    Design Czar June 10, 2011 3:57 pm

    I think Cate has a certain elegance about her, very much hot, but in her own way. Nicole is looking so pinched lately, have to agree with Univarn on the “pre-Tom Cruise” era.

    Toni is the epitome of Hot or Not. One day yes, one day not so much.

    You found a good photo, but I’ve always thought Renee is SO unattractive. And she usually has a doofy squint/pucker thing going on in most of her photos. Maybe she just needs glasses?

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