Everything Else, TGITDNMAR — February 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm

TGITDNMAR (2/3/12)

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It’s that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It’s The Day New Movies Are Released.

The Woman in Black
I wonder, does interest lie in this film itself, or is it more fun to speculate on how smart/dumb a move this was for Daniel Radcliffe to take as his first post-Potter film?

For me, it’s certainly the latter.  For Radcliffe’s sake, I hope the film is good, but you should know by now that horror films don’t excite me like other genres (though I’m open to them if they’re high quality).  Still, while going this route might not have been my first choice for Young Potter (oh no, typecast forever!) – a light, modern ensemble, perhaps akin to an In the Loop, would have been my advice – it’s not a bad one.  The tonal change should be large enough, he’ll be far from the only focus, and the box office expectations can’t possibly be all that high.

Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 27%

Chronicle
I’m with Kai – this film about three high schoolers who gain some supernatural powers (and subsequently abuse them) looks like a hell of a lot of fun.   The thing is, I can’t figure out why that is – what’s separating this in my head from previous crummy-looking-yet-somewhat-similar films such as The Covenant and Push? Not helping matters is my effort to stay in the dark and know as little as possible prior to going in, a quality that might help me enjoy the film more but won’t help me write about it any better.

So…ya interested in it?

Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 76%

 

Big Miracle
I just might have a big problem with Big Miracle.  If the trailer is to be believed (I know it’s based on a true story, but I can’t say that I care enough to research the facts), the trapped whales are locked into some sort of ice prison, and the good people of Whatever, Alaska work together with Sarah Palin, Gene Simmons, the Army and/or a legion of aardvarks to get them out.

But it’s mentioned that they’re trapped behind “6-inch thick walls of ice!!”  WTF?!?  Are you kidding me?  These are WHALES.  The smallest one is what, 300 feet long and weighs 78,000 tons (possible exaggeration for effect)?  You’re telling me an adult California Gray whale, which grows to approximately 50 feet and weighs in the neighborhood of 35 tons (see, I looked it up after all!) can’t break through six measly inches of ice?  Are we sure that we want to save these stupid, weak animals? This is akin to a family of humans being trapped behind a wall of ice as thick as a sheet of paper, isn’t it?

More research according to Oceana.org: “Bowhead whales can break through ice over 12 inches thick, allowing them to maintain open water holes throughout the Arctic winter.” It doesn’t say anything about Gray whales, but c’mon, the Bowhead isn’t that much bigger.

Down with whales, I say.  Star Trek IV, be damned!

Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

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Author: Sometimes when I wake up in the morning Mr. McCracken's already there.

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