Apologies in advance…I’m in a titular mood today. So you’re in store for bad jokes and puns rather than critical analysis.
It’s that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It’s The Day New Movies Are Released.
John Carter
Seriously, why did they ditch the “of Mars” from the title of this flick? Sure, it sounded weird, but it sounded a hell of a lot less generic than its current title, and at least the original title honored the source material a bit more.
More important, adding “of Mars” (or “on Mars” or some iteration thereof) is probably a good idea for most flicks. Accurate to the tale or not, I’m much more likely to see Twilight ON MARS than I am to just see Twilight, or The Vow OF MARS than merely The Vow. It’s science (-fiction). To top it all off, John Carter reminds me of Get Carter, which reminds me of Sly Stallone (sorry, Caine fans, I’m just a more contemporary cinephile), and that’s not a good thing, either. Might as well call it John Carter or My Mom Will Shoot.
Oh, and just in case you forgot…the aliens/coliseum/planet still remind everyone of Attack of the Clones…never a good thing. Though, finally, just to hedge my bets, this is the portion of my snarkiness where I acknowledge that director Andrew Stanton has a pritty, pritty good resume (WALL*E, Finding Nemo, A Bug’s Life) that should afford him the benefit of the doubt (aka hedging my bets).
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 37%
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
See? This is what I’m talking about!! Say it with me now: Salmon Fishing ON MARS! At least 76 times better, right?
Seriously, though, SFITY is perhaps the worst title for a wide release since The Men Who Stare at Goats (what’s the deal, McGregor?). It shares three components that moviegoers in general could probably not care much less about: salmon, fishing, and Yemen. Combining them into a title somehow does not make the film any more appealing. I suggest Catch & Release 2 as an alternate title.
All kidding aside, I did happen to see the trailer for this and was somewhat impressed that it even got made, given the subject matter, much less that it was able to attract stars such as McGregor, Kristin Scott Thomas and Emily Blunt. That said, director Lasse Hallström (The Cider House Rules, Chocolat, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?) has a solid track record of making earnest, visually-pleasing dramas, and this fits in line perfectly. Feels like it might have gotten more attention/traction given a fall release, though.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 21%
Friends with Kids
2006 brought us Friends with Money. 2011 brought Friends with Benefits. Now this. Was the order correct? Is this better than the other two? Will someone ever do a marathon and watch all three in a row? Will there ever be a Friends with Friends movie?
I have so many questions and so few answers.
IMDb says that this film is intended for people who liked Bridesmaids. Oh, ya think so, doctor? Would that have something to do with the fact that just about every luminary from the 2011 hit comedy short of Melissa McCarthy is in the cast here? Although written, directed and starring Jennifer Westfeldt (Kissing Jessica Stein), Kristin Wiig appears alongside other Brides vets Jon Hamm, Chris O’Dowd, and Maya Rudolph, with Adam Scott filling out the other lead opposite Westfeldt. This is basically Hip Modern Comedy Stars 101. So it has a lot on its side there.
What it also has, however, is a gimmicky plot centered on a pair of friends who decide to raise a child together. Will they fall in love? Will they be great parents? Will audiences be able to stop rolling their eyes enough at that premise to enjoy the film?
Again…so few answers. But I am intrigued.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 55%
A Thousand Words
Hopefully, the title of this film is a sign that, instead of having audiences sit through 90 minutes or more of another patented Eddie Murphy Stinker, this film actually consists merely of a single image for a certain length of time. Boring, perhaps, but surely less offensive than the likes of Norbit, Meet Dave, or god knows what else Murphy has made in the last decade.
Of course, director Brian Robbins (originally an actor featured on Head of the Class, for you folks over 30 out there) is responsible for all films mentioned, as well as other winners such as The Shaggy Dog and Ready to Rumble. He’s like the sports/comedy version of Peter Berg, only he makes Berg look like Martin Scorcese. Then again, I shouldn’t talk – I’ve seen all of one film by Robbins, and I happen to (somewhat ironically) love it: Varsity Blues. And no, I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE, either.
To tie this all back together, Kevin Bacon-stlye, Robbins/Blues shares another connection to Berg, in that Pete directed the wildly-similar Friday Night Lights, the feature film that led to the TV series that starred…John Carter‘s Taylor Kitsch.
They all lose. I win.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): -2000%
Wayne (7)
Josh (5)
Andrew (4)
John (4)
Justin (4)
Steve (4)
Lauren (3)
Nick (3)
Andy (2)
Dave Enkosky (2)
I like what you did there.
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 7, 2012 3:42 pm
Where’s that? Or just in general?
Damn, you are in a pissy mood
You’d enjoy Ready to Rumble, by the way, because I know we both enjoyed a certain era of the WWE together. Obviously, Ready to Rumble on Mars would have been better.
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 7, 2012 3:45 pm
Haha, well, I did re-title this column MIGAALOF (Man, I Get Annoyed At A Lot Of Films) once upon a time. Ain’t my fault that most of the flicks with wide releases look like crap. Of course, it is my fault that I only cover wide releases in this space…but that’s done to preserve my sanity and time. Way too many limited releases each week, and most people haven’t heard of a majority of them.
But Ready to Rumble has David Arquette prominently featured, and that’s never a good thing, is it?
I am legitimately excited to see John Carter or My Mom Will Shoot if that makes you feel better.
In the right role, David Arquette can be entertaining. I enjoyed him in Never Been Kissed and this movie. I know that’s not saying much. Oliver Platt, Martin Landau, Joey Pants, and the many cameos by “real” wrestlers make Ready to Rumble watchable, though.
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 7, 2012 6:08 pm
No doubt. Arquette probably gained a lot of fans and silenced a lot of critics just with his role as Dewey in Scream. But by and large…
I feel like I’ve seen at least parts of Ready to Rumble. I’m sure it’s fun…but still not the greatest flick out there.
I’m mildly intrigued by John Carter but I will probably wait for the rental given that the reviews are mostly mixed.
Totally agree about Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. This automatically sounds like a movie I wouldn’t want to watch despite the cast.
Friends with Kids could be intriguing but I’ll wait for the reviews
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 7, 2012 9:33 pm
I’m more likely to read the John Carter books than see the movie. Wait, that’s not true – I looked it up and there are like 12 of those things, and I can’t imagine them holding up very well after nearly a century. I’ll do the rental/Netflix thing, too, I think. If that.
Salmon was also based on a book, but I feel like books can get away with stupid titles like that easier, especially given the subject matter. It’s just hard to take it seriously. Hell, take off the Salmon and just call it Fishing in the Yemen and it already sounds better, but frankly, any movie with Yemen in the title is probably gonna turn a lot of people off. Nothing against the Yemenese or their country (I don’t even know if they’re actually called Yemenese, for instance) – it’s just an unattractive word. And, of course, salmon fishing sounds boring as shit.
Twitter: ftstweets
March 8, 2012 8:50 am
Damn, I just realized I didn’t even talk about Friends with Kids on my film guide for March! Box Office Mojo doesn’t have it listed as a wide release for some reason. I am interested in seeing it because of the stacked cast, but I think it will be a pretty tame comedy, not Judd Apatow-y necessarily. Plus I have the biggest crush on Adam Scott. If I paid to see anything this weekend it would be that.
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 9, 2012 7:15 am
Yeah, I think Friends with Kids is much more in the vein of an indie comedy – much more talkie and dependent on relational humor than physical humor and that sort of thing.
Adam Scott is just adorable, isn’t he? Well, maybe not in Step Brothers, but in just about anything else.
Twitter: ftstweets
March 9, 2012 9:45 am
His character isn’t adorable in Step Brothers but that performance makes me like him so much more because he’s usually type-cast as the complete opposite.
Also, you forgot about Silent House. I know you want to see that!
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 9, 2012 2:03 pm
Seriously – Scott’s great at the nice guy, but he killed it pretty hard playing the asshole. In fact, the first time I ever noticed him was yeaaars ago playing the villain in a shitty mortocycle flick called Torque (it was on cable one day and I got sucked it…) where he played the villain.
Nope, didn’t forget about Silent House – IMDb had it listed as Limited, and I typically don’t cover limiteds, as discussed above. No, I’m not generally a horror guy, but I’ve heard some good things (like from Andrew below) and I’d like to see how the gimmick is pulled off.
Twitter: Mystery_Donut
March 8, 2012 8:56 am
Salmon Fishing looks alright. My wife and I would agree to see that.
I wanted to check out Jiro Dreams of Sushi but it seems like it won’t be coming near me during its limited release.
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 9, 2012 7:17 am
Dunk!
My wife and I could potentially see Salmon Fishing for the cast, but I feel like it’ll be too boring a choice. We don’t get out to the theater nearly as often these days (especially not together), so those trips are usually reserved for things we really, really want to see.
You should really be living in California or the Pacific NW…you’d be in heaven…
Twitter: NeverTooEarlyMP
March 8, 2012 9:17 pm
The Hallstrom is the one that most interests me, but even that one falls far short of Must-See.
I do wish it had a better title, but hopefully the folks who like earnest dramas are also down with earnest titles?
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 9, 2012 7:18 am
Yeah, that’s a pretty safe bet, and I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much – it’s better than those myriad films with totally interchangeable titles.
Maybe.
Twitter: agracru
March 9, 2012 9:32 am
I’m seeing John Carter on Sunday. I’m shocked at the amount of backlash it’s seen in light of how good early word of mouth was. I’ll see for myself how good or bad it is shortly.
Honestly, I’d also recommend Silent House. It stumbles in a big way in the final fifteen minutes or so, with a twist that threatens to upset the entire rest of the film, but Elizabeth Olsen is the real thing and Chris Kentis and Laura Lau did an amazing job pulling off the “shot in one take” conceit. Looks great, it’s tense and scary throughout most of its running time, and its central performance is mesmerizing and superb. Even if the note it ends on is a bit of a king bummer, I say the movie’s still worth watching for all of its better qualities.
Twitter: manilovefilms
March 9, 2012 2:04 pm
Please do report back. I doubt I’ll see John Carter unless maybe the word-of-mouth turned into “YOU MUST SEE THIS!!” and I think it’s already too late for that.
Good to hear on Silent House. Though I feel like I should catch Olsen in MMMM before even thinking about this one. You’ve got me intrigued, though.
Twitter: agracru
March 9, 2012 2:26 pm
MMMM went on my DVD queue the day it came out, but Netflix has it backordered until the end of the damn month.
I mean, hey, I tried.