It’s that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It’s The Day New Movies Are Released.
The Five-Year Engagement
I want to be more excited for this, I really do, but it’s just not happening. Sure, the commercials are nothing special, but the inclusion of Jason Segel, reuniting with his Forgetting Sarah Marshall collaborator (they again co-wrote this) ought to be enough. I’ve decided that the issue at hand is this: this is the film where I decide if I like Emily Blunt or not.
There’s certainly not much to dislike about Blunt (from what I’ve seen), but for one reason or another, I haven’t warmed up to her. She stole the show in The Devil Wears Prada, was solid in Sunshine Cleaning, excellent in the high-quality-yet-kinda-bland The Young Victoria, merely window dressing in The Adjustment Bureau, etc. Maybe I just don’t have a good pulse on her, but I swear that if fellow Stoller alum Rose Byrne (who killed it in Get Him to the Greek) was Segel’s partner here, I’d be all over this thing sight unseen.
Either way, I’m totally down – aside from the aforementioned appealing factors, it features two of my favorite performers from two of my favorite shows: Parks and Rec‘s Chris Pratt and Community‘s Allison Brie. Oh, and – spoiler alert – unless you’ve been sleeping on seeing The Hunger Games or 21 Jump Street, there ain’t all that much else in theaters to check out.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 81%
The Raven
While this doesn’t irk me like a certain vampire-hunter film about a 19th century US President, it’s toeing the line.
I’d like to muster up some more vitriol towards The Raven (oops, just found some – check out the devil’s work that they’ve lured IMDb into doing), but mostly, I could just not care either way. The premise is mildly interesting, the execution (led by director James McTiegue – V for Vendetta and Ninja Assassin) is sure to be steady, and the cast is – uh, well, outside of star John Cusack, at least Brendan Gleeson makes an appearance. Mostly, I’m just pleased that Cusack is no longer sporting a puffy face (calm down, Ashley Judd), looking mean and trim with his goatee, though I must admit I long for the days when a Cusack film held the potential for greatness most times out. These days, I’m more hoping against more mediocrity (Hot Tub Time Machine excluded – I know it has its fans, of which I am one – name me a great film he’s been in since 2000′s High Fidelity. He’s like Pacino or DeNiro…only much younger).
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 47%
Safe
Isn’t just devastatingly sad when an actor’s first film (or films) are the best thing that they will ever appear in?
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve always liked Jason Statham, and he’s had a fine career. But shit, man, look at the title of this movie – it fully encapsulates his filmography!
Statham broke onto the scene playing what I assume was a stand-in for Guy Ritchie in Ritchie’s first two films, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch (especially in Snatch). After the success of those two films, combined with a void in the action star arena with the likes of Ahnuld and Stallone getting into their 60s, Statham become the de-facto action star of the early 2000s, making his name mostly through such franchises as The Transporter and Crank.
Perhaps my anger/depression is misguided. The more I think about this and reflect on Statham’s films, the more I become confused at what my issue really is. I think I’d be fine with him playing himself (ie not acting) dozens of similar action films, but if and only if a majority of them were high quality. Sadly, that is not the case. On the flipside, there’s a part of me that sees the charismatic guy from Snatch and thinks that this guy is destined to do more than merely appear in schlocky B-grade chopsocky flicks until he’s 60 as well. Surely, the man can act, can’t he? Try an accent here or there? Have a role in a comedy that’s not merely a cameo?
Am I crazy for wanting…more from this guy?
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 31%
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
I saw the trailer for this some time back, but I’ll be damned if I can recall anything meaningful about it. Instead, it’s the title that screams to me every time I see it. I can’t decide if it’s one of the worst titles ever or some sort of brilliant (maybe?) undercover theft issue (I really wanted to say piracy there but chose not to – you’re welcome).
First of all – call it The Pirates! or call it Band of Misfits. Hell, even call it The Pirates: Band of Misfits if you really, really want to. But what’s with the exclamation point in the middle there? Talk about clunky.
On the other hand, we have some thievery potentially going on. Just a few years ago, there was a kids film called The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie. I immediately thought this was a similarly-poorly named sequel when I first heard of this. Then again, I’m not so sure they would really want to be connected to that flick – Don’t Do Anything didn’t exactly tear it up at the box office, making less than $20 MM, and the VeggieTales are a biblical indoctrination service.
Meanwhile, Misfits is based on a series of books —
Holy crap – I just learned that, much like another British film about pirates (The Boat that Rocked >> Pirate Radio), the title above is not the original title of this film. It is instead the even-worse title of The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists (one of the book’s titles).
Ugh. I give up.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 4%
Wayne (6)
Mette (4)
Nic Cage (4)
Sebastian (4)
steve (4)
John (3)
Nick (3)
Chip Lary (2)
Dan (2)
I’m in some disagreement with you this week. I’m actually kind of looking forward to The Pirates! Band of Misfits. I’m not even a fan of claymation, but the trailer was really funny to me.
Also, I couldn’t care less about Five-Year Engagement, and I actually didn’t fall in love with Sarah Marshall like everyone else. It was alright, but Aldous Snow was the only great thing about it.
As for Cusack… both “Identity” and “1408″ are incredibly underrated horror flicks.
And safe is a Besson production, isn’t it? I’ll check it out eventually, probably.
Twitter: manilovefilms
April 25, 2012 3:39 pm
To be fair to it, I only saw the trailer for Pirates!!! once – I guess it just didn’t leave that much of an impression on me. But the vocal cast is pretty impressive.
You take Besson and his acolytes…I’ll take Stoller and Segel and Apatow and all the rest.
I’m not sure if Safe is a Besson production, but it sure feels like it. His productions just feel low-quality, save for the shit he actually directs.
1408 sucked and I’ve wiped it from my memory. Identity (from what I recall – saw it in the theater and not since) was pretty good but nowhere near great. Decent hook, though. I wouldn’t be averse to catching it again sometime.
You should totally see Identity again! Were you aware that John Hawkes is in it?
I haven’t watched any trailers yet for The Five-Year Engagement, but based on the cast I’ll at least give it a shot on DVD.
Twitter: manilovefilms
May 2, 2012 8:22 am
Yeah, that was my plan. Helping the cause is that my wife saw it last night and enjoyed it enough – I should be seeing this later this week (since The Raid’s not playing anywhere nearby).
Twitter: pturner1010
April 26, 2012 1:19 am
Yeah I think The Five Year Engagement seems like the only one I really want to see this week. I guess Safe might be fun too but The Stath is not enough to get me into a cinema.
Twitter: manilovefilms
May 2, 2012 8:23 am
Agreed. I think the last Statham flick I saw in the theater was The Bank Job, and that was (thankfully) one of his attempted departures from being the neverending action guy.
Twitter: NeverTooEarlyMP
April 26, 2012 2:02 pm
I had hoped for good things from The Raven when I first heard about it, but now after the trailer and publicity I’m not even sure if I’ll see it.
The Pirates could be fun, although I’ve seen a few different trailers by this point, which makes me fear that all the best jokes have already been used. (Then again, it is Aardman, so maybe not.)
Safe is… just not in my genre circle.
I’m going to wait until a few review scores are released before I commit to The Five Year Engagement. They are pushing the “from the producers of Bridesmaids” line just a little bit too hard for me to completely trust it. I mean, was it really the PRODUCERS that made that film good?
Twitter: manilovefilms
May 2, 2012 8:27 am
I’ll still hope for good, or at least decent, things from The Raven. To be honest, I’ve been so out of touch that I’m not even aware of how it was received. I’m assuming somewhere in the middle-of-the-road area, akin to something like 1408. I could just go to RT and find out…
LOL at your Safe line.
It’s a shame that marketing for films is so base. They’re big on the “from the producers of Bridesmaids!!!11!11!” thing, but really, wouldn’t it essentially have the same effect to say “from the director of Forgetting Sarah Marshall?” Didn’t that make enough money? Wouldn’t that sound less desperate and aren’t the connections (Segal, Stoller) much stronger? Yes, yes, yes. But I know the assumption is that Bridesmaids-based marketing will sell better, not only cause it made a bit more than FSM, but also because it’s just SOOOO much more recent. As if 2008 was forever ago.
Twitter: agracru
April 27, 2012 6:51 am
Blunt is actually the best thing about Engagement; not really known for her comedy chops, she nonetheless kills it with every beat she’s given. Plus, she’s willing to do goofy shit like take a bolt to the leg or get smashed in the face with a car door; she could just do period stuff her whole life and have a fruitful career. Yet here she is, talking about how she’s seen Segel’s penis “every way possible”. (Best moment: her reaction to a pressing bit of news Alison Brie shares with her early in the film.)
Engagement is solid all around, but very long and in need of a really sharp edit. Recommended, but be wary of the bloat. That’s all.
I’ll cop to wanting to see Safe. Statham action films can be really good, but I think we’re all burning out on him because that’s roughly everything he does these days. (Which is kind of a shame. Loved him in Snatch.) Maybe this will be a production worthy of his talents.
I love Wallace and Gromit, so I’ll give Pirates! a chance. The Raven I don’t really care about.
Twitter: manilovefilms
May 2, 2012 8:35 am
Thanks for that, Andrew. Like I say, I should be seeing this later this week, though your words about it being overly long scare me as that usually bugs the shit out of me. We’ll see if I feel the same way.
That’s the other thing – it’d be cool if Statham was in consistently high quality action flicks, but I feel like so many of them are barely worthy of theatrical release.
Twitter: mrsthuro
April 30, 2012 9:12 am
I had the same thoughts about Pirates too until I watched the trailer last Thursday. I just assumed it was another Veggie Tales flick.
Alas, it was humorous enough (loved how they villainized Queen Victoria), but I was busy trying to tame a hyper 3 year old too, so I’m not terribly enthusiastic about what I saw.
Twitter: manilovefilms
May 2, 2012 8:36 am
Oooh, so Mia’s second theatrical trip didn’t go as well as the first, eh?
Twitter: mrsthuro
May 2, 2012 9:20 am
Oh, you’ll get the full story tomorrow on the site.
Twitter: callmesirphobos
May 2, 2012 5:26 pm
4% is way, way high for Pirates. If they had kept the title about having adventures with scientists, maybe your chances of seeing it would be justified.
Oh, and for Cusack: The Ice Harvest. Bam.