It’s that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It’s The Day New Movies Are Released.
The Five-Year Engagement
I want to be more excited for this, I really do, but it’s just not happening. Sure, the commercials are nothing special, but the inclusion of Jason Segel, reuniting with his Forgetting Sarah Marshall collaborator (they again co-wrote this) ought to be enough. I’ve decided that the issue at hand is this: this is the film where I decide if I like Emily Blunt or not.
There’s certainly not much to dislike about Blunt (from what I’ve seen), but for one reason or another, I haven’t warmed up to her. She stole the show in The Devil Wears Prada, was solid in Sunshine Cleaning, excellent in the high-quality-yet-kinda-bland The Young Victoria, merely window dressing in The Adjustment Bureau, etc. Maybe I just don’t have a good pulse on her, but I swear that if fellow Stoller alum Rose Byrne (who killed it in Get Him to the Greek) was Segel’s partner here, I’d be all over this thing sight unseen.
Either way, I’m totally down – aside from the aforementioned appealing factors, it features two of my favorite performers from two of my favorite shows: Parks and Rec‘s Chris Pratt and Community‘s Allison Brie. Oh, and – spoiler alert – unless you’ve been sleeping on seeing The Hunger Games or 21 Jump Street, there ain’t all that much else in theaters to check out.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 81%
I’d like to muster up some more vitriol towards The Raven (oops, just found some – check out the devil’s work that they’ve lured IMDb into doing), but mostly, I could just not care either way. The premise is mildly interesting, the execution (led by director James McTiegue – V for Vendetta and Ninja Assassin) is sure to be steady, and the cast is – uh, well, outside of star John Cusack, at least Brendan Gleeson makes an appearance. Mostly, I’m just pleased that Cusack is no longer sporting a puffy face (calm down, Ashley Judd), looking mean and trim with his goatee, though I must admit I long for the days when a Cusack film held the potential for greatness most times out. These days, I’m more hoping against more mediocrity (Hot Tub Time Machine excluded – I know it has its fans, of which I am one – name me a great film he’s been in since 2000′s High Fidelity. He’s like Pacino or DeNiro…only much younger).
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 47%
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve always liked Jason Statham, and he’s had a fine career. But shit, man, look at the title of this movie – it fully encapsulates his filmography!
Statham broke onto the scene playing what I assume was a stand-in for Guy Ritchie in Ritchie’s first two films, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch (especially in Snatch). After the success of those two films, combined with a void in the action star arena with the likes of Ahnuld and Stallone getting into their 60s, Statham become the de-facto action star of the early 2000s, making his name mostly through such franchises as The Transporter and Crank.
Perhaps my anger/depression is misguided. The more I think about this and reflect on Statham’s films, the more I become confused at what my issue really is. I think I’d be fine with him playing himself (ie not acting) dozens of similar action films, but if and only if a majority of them were high quality. Sadly, that is not the case. On the flipside, there’s a part of me that sees the charismatic guy from Snatch and thinks that this guy is destined to do more than merely appear in schlocky B-grade chopsocky flicks until he’s 60 as well. Surely, the man can act, can’t he? Try an accent here or there? Have a role in a comedy that’s not merely a cameo?
Am I crazy for wanting…more from this guy?
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 31%
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
I saw the trailer for this some time back, but I’ll be damned if I can recall anything meaningful about it. Instead, it’s the title that screams to me every time I see it. I can’t decide if it’s one of the worst titles ever or some sort of brilliant (maybe?) undercover theft issue (I really wanted to say piracy there but chose not to – you’re welcome).
First of all – call it The Pirates! or call it Band of Misfits. Hell, even call it The Pirates: Band of Misfits if you really, really want to. But what’s with the exclamation point in the middle there? Talk about clunky.
On the other hand, we have some thievery potentially going on. Just a few years ago, there was a kids film called The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie. I immediately thought this was a similarly-poorly named sequel when I first heard of this. Then again, I’m not so sure they would really want to be connected to that flick – Don’t Do Anything didn’t exactly tear it up at the box office, making less than $20 MM, and the VeggieTales are a biblical indoctrination service.
Meanwhile, Misfits is based on a series of books —
Holy crap – I just learned that, much like another British film about pirates (The Boat that Rocked >> Pirate Radio), the title above is not the original title of this film. It is instead the even-worse title of The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists (one of the book’s titles).
Ugh. I give up.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 4%