It’s that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It’s The Day New Movies Are Released.
Which came first – the title or the script? The smart money says the title, but considering what the screenwriters (brothers Erich and Jon Hoeber) came up with – what with aliens attacking and all – it’s preferable to presume that this was some generic action script that was lying around in some bigwig’s office. Then, when Universal made a deal with Hasbro to make their game(s) into a movie, some bright-eyed intern said, “Hey, why not just slap the title (brand) onto this existing piece of shit?” Then everyone in the room celebrated the intern’s great idea by telling him to get them some fucking coffee before giving each other $20 bills to use as Kleenex to sop up the tears from their laughter.
At least, that’s how I’d like to picture it going down.
And to think – spoilerzz! – they didn’t even have the balls to insert, “You sunk my battleship!!” into the film. Lame.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Sometimes I get depressed about, you know, existence and how meaningless we all are and how every pithy emotion and thought I’ve ever felt has already been felt by millions upon billions of people. You know what I don’t fucking need? A movie that reminds me of that sentiment and makes me feel like just another cog in the world population machine. Can’t I just abide by the fantasy of being one of The Incredibles instead?
Or am I reading too much into this?
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 11%
It’s funny – prior to this week, The Dictator seemed like a misfire for Sacha Baron Cohen. It still might be, but in comparison to the week’s other wide releases, it’s friggin’ Valhalla. It’s an oasis filled with Dr. Pepper in the desert. It’s an Angel Food cake with chocolate frosting and Skittles on top (yum…my mom actually made me one of these for a birthday as a kid). I think you get the picture.
I’m holding out hope. Some reviews are trickling in, and even though they’re nowhere in the neighborhood of the reaction Borat received, the fact that they’re not absolutely trashing it is wildly encouraging. After that first trailer with the Megan Fox/Kim Kardashian joke, I was terrified that this was going to go the Shrek/all current affairs/topical jokes route; it still might, but the second trailer (and the buzz) have me thinking that there might actually be some substance (and a lot more laughs) than originally perceived.
Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 57%