Everything Else, TGITDNMAR — June 10, 2015 at 3:00 am

TGITDNMAR: (06/12/15)

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Well, hello there. It’s… not Pete! (Confetti! Balloons! Streamers!)

Mr. Conway is getting married this weekend (I should know – I’m flying across the country to stand in a line of gentlemen next to him) so he’s a little preoccupied with all those festivities at the moment. And being the good boss that I am, I decided to take over his column for the week (or… he asked me – it’s one or the other). So just like he did that one time when I was out of town, here’s my impression of my good friend, as well as an extremely important version of Thank God It’s The Day New Movies Are Released:

Last week saw three new releases hit theaters and only one managed to outduel Dwayne Johnson and a shaking California. As someone who has seen it, I can tell you it’s a ton of fun and I enjoyed it a lot… except for when it was scaring the hell out of me. Which was often. Not only is the state I currently live in destroyed, but the city I call home is pretty much left in ruins after something THAT’S ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN happens. It’s frightening! That’s right… San Andreas is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen. I said it.

Melissa McCarthy being annoying… I mean… being a Spy won the week and I’ve heard nothing but good things from those who can handle her. I can’t, so I won’t be giving her my $15. Same goes for the Entourage boys. If I had my druthers, there would’ve been a mash-up of Entourage and San Andreas and the boys would’ve fallen many, many stories from the rooftop pool of The Standard. But that’s just me.

Anyway, that was last week. This is this week. Let’s get to it…

Jurassic Worldjurassic world

You want to see this movie and you know you do.

Firstly… Trained raptors. Yes.

Secondly… Chris Pratt. Mothereffin’ Star Lord. (Or… Johnny Karate for the much more informed)

Thirdly… This is the first Jurassic movie since 2001’s unforgettably dreadful third offering. This is worth celebrating.

Fourthly (and more detailed)… I’m beyond psyched for this movie. It was in my Top 5 for 2015 (right after Furious 7, Tomorrowland, and Star Wars Episode VII and just before Inside Out). And it’s really quite simple as to why: I love Jurassic Park. Now, I know a lot of you do. Some, maybe even as much as me (looking at you, Jay Cluitt). But you definitely don’t love it more than me. I’ve seen the first film probably more than I’ve seen any other movie. It’s in my Top 3 all-time and the only reason it’s not #1 is because I happen to love a couple other movies just as much. But it’s so awesome. As you know. And there’s one major reason why:

Few things make you feel more like a kid than dinosaurs. Who loves dinosaurs? Kids do. They’re incredible to think about and the idea that they were around at one point in time might be the most exciting thing ever. You know what else they are? They’re frightening! They’re ferocious beasts that want to kill other things! Why would we want to recreate those?!?! Oh… they’re awesome. That’s right.

But back to the kid thing. This is what makes the Jurassic series tick. Each film has had a child of some kind in it (even though both Lost World and 3’s were annoying as hell) and it adds to the general wonderment of the films. These films become something else altogether when viewed through their eyes and it’s that allure that makes the series special (even when the films themselves aren’t always… although I stand by The Lost World! That’s 90% of a great movie!).

And that’s why I can’t wait to see what Colin Trevorrow has in store for us. He fast-forwarded time and showed us what it would be like if John Hammond’s dream of Jurassic Park actually came true. And obviously things are going to go terribly, but the experience of watching it all going smoothly BEFORE it goes terribly is going to be something amazing. All of those childlike emotions are going to come to the surface… the wonderment… the fear… the total humility that comes from standing in the face of gigantic lizards. All of it.

And I can’t wait.

Justin’s chances of seeing this in theaters: 100%. My ticket is already purchased. I’ll be there Thursday night at 8 pm. And hopefully, I’ll be back to feeling like a kid again.

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