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Introduction

The end of Planet of the Apes may give the impression of a further story. But, if you think about it, there is not much to explore. Taylor (Charlton Heston) has realised that earth is destroyed, and he is the only speaking human on the planet. He has Nova (Linda Harrison) and, originally, an ending was toyed with whereby Nova and Taylor had a child, but this was scrapped for the Statue of Liberty finale. It was 1970 and, in terms of sequels, they only had a few around to be inspired by. Paul Dehn was hired to write the screenplay, a writer who co-wrote Goldfinger, a sequel that completely re-invented the James Bond franchise. Though, like the James Bond films, Dehn seems to think that the best way to continue to Planet of the Apes story, is by imitating the basic set-up of the previous film. In terms of 007 influencing the Apes, I think a tunnel-sequence does seem to recall a little bit of Dr No. But Dehn does seem to go a different direction in the final few acts – with an ending you won’t see coming.

The Ape-World Has Been Disrupted

This time, the ship is on a rescue mission to save the astronaunts in the first film. Brent (James Franciscus) is the only survivor. Unsure what to do, he comes across Nova who is wearing Taylors dogtags. Through a series of flashbacks, we realise that Nova and Taylor continued to travel through The Forbidden Zone after realising they were on planet Earth. Taylor and Nova witness the ground breaking up, and fire emerges, until suddenly Taylor disappears – leaving Nova alone. Brent and Nova travel to the Ape City and the council are in session. The Gorilla’s are keen to explore The Forbidden Zone and destroy all human life as, because of Taylors actions, the Apes do not trust humans anymore and know that they present a threat.

So far, it is very much the same. Nova and Brent soon find Cornelius (The only film in the original franchise to not include Roddy McDowell, instead casting David Watson) and Zira (Kim Hunter), who again, trust the humans. But unlike the first film, the Apes are not as fearful about exploration. The Gorillas are keen to explore for the sake of dominance and power. We see similar sequences as Gorillas chase the humans, but this time Zira assists them in escaping too. Almost by accident, as Brent hides, he realises the planet is Earth himself and he explores underground to find a hidden human race who worship the A-Bomb. This is where the film becomes very strange and, changes direction completely to the first film. Humans exist and they are powerful, using their minds to control others…

Arrogance of Peaceful People

Planet of the Apes attacked people who blindly followed a faith – the idea that true exploration and discovery is hindered by those of a particular doctrine. The dwellers who exist underground are humans who have been irreversibly scarred. Though the people ‘beneath’ the planet are ‘Peaceful People’, they have the power to control other peoples minds and will comfortably let others kill each other rather than commit murder themselves. Opposed to the society established by the Apes, ignorant to the reality outside of their own borders, these dwellers are arrogant and pray to a bomb. An A-Bomb.

This is where the full strangeness of the film kicks-in. We witness a prayer ceremony, very-much modelled on Catholic Mass. The repetition of traditonal prayer mixed with uncomfortable, bomb-related notions.

“Glory be to the Bomb, and to the Holy Fallout. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen”

“May the Blessings of the Bomb Almighty, and the Fellowship of the Holy Fallout, descend upon us all. This day and forever more.”

This is where, originally an attack on religious-dogma and blind-faith, appears to be more specific in attacking Catholicism and the corrupted ”history” attached to the faith. Words have been switched from “Glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit”, so that slight changes are highlighted. Over time, it seems, words and meaning have changed. How can we still stick to a Bible, a document thousands and thousands of years old, when clearly its true meaning and intent could have been changed?

Akin to fundamentalistm and terrorism, these religious characters are dangerous and, though they do not believe it, they are a threat to the society they represent. Their humanity has been replaced by a deeply-rooted sense of purpose – the bomb. They can force the Apes to see visions which are untrue as if to highlight how faith is beyond what you can see in front of you, and what is around you. It is this same attitude to faith that ensures Dr Zaius (Maurice Evans) and General Ursus (James Gregory) push through the vision and manage to break past. These apes have seen too much – and no image will satisfy their deep-desire for dominance of the planet. Both faiths are in opposition and we see the age-old argument as two conflicting dogma’s compete for control of a civilisation.

The Definitive End

So often, to mock the ‘don’t spoil it’ attitude of others, I will use a nuclear bomb as an example of what the film includes (“Don’t tell me what happens at the end of The Deer Hunter!”/”Of course I won’t, as long as nobody has told you about the nuclear-bomb explosion, you should be fine!” *applause*). Word to the wise, don’t mention that finale for this film because that does indeed happen. Before the bomb even goes off, the vast majority of the cast are killed off, and Taylor, struggling to stand manages to limp to the bomb and set it off. Boom. Credits.

The fear of the unknown has stopped true peace. Again, man destroys itself in it’s efforts for dominance. Charlton Heston returned for his role under the assumption that this would be the end of the Planet of the Apes saga – indeed, he never returns until Tim Burtons Planet of the Apes in 2001. But, the producers had other plans. The final act shows the fight between Brent and Taylor amongst the deformed-humans and Gorilla Apes, with Dr Zaius alongside them – until the bomb hits, killing them all off. Cornelius and Zira were not amongst the fighters though, and for good reason …

The film turned out to be pretty much everything I expected. Roughly 80 minutes of Stan Lee chronicling and lending insight to his long career over a series of stills, home videos and stock footage. This is, of course, interspersed with footage from a camera that followed Stan around at home and introduces us to his wife and married life. Pretty standard stuff.

I will say it was nice to see a documentary where the filmmaker isn’t doing the narration and we get to know Stan through his own voice. Especially these days when a lot of documentarians like to make themselves the star of their own docs. I also like the way the film was started and that the filmmakers quickly abandoned this technique. The beginning of the film has interview footage with tons of A-list celebrities (Tobey Maguire, Jon Favreau, etc), primarily those that have appeared in Marvel films, all talking about how great Stan and his characters are. This goes on for several minutes and by the time Paris Hilton appeared onscreen to say “Stan’s hot” I found myself dreading where this was all going. However, the filmmakers use this as a jumping off point and quickly turn to “The Man” himself. From there Stan walks us through his life. From the early days, when he stumbled into writing at Timely Comics at the age of 16, to the present day, where he lives in a post-Comic Book movie BOOM!

I do have to mention a few problems I have with this doc. I almost laughed audibly when I wrote that sentence in the last paragraph that says “Stan walks us through his life.” It would be far more appropriate to say that Stan runs us through his life. I mean, this guy has amazing stories from over six decades in the business. He is the face of comic books… THE FACE! Yet this film is only 80 minutes long. I really wish it could’ve at least gotten a two hour cut. It was sad that the six year period where Stan cranked out some of the most well known comic characters in history from the Fantastic Four to the X-men to the Silver Surfer was merely mentioned in about the time it took you to read that sentence. I would’ve liked to see that covered more. Perhaps in lieu of coverage of CBS’s failed 70s Spiderman live action show. We’d all like to forget that!

I also felt like the doc didn’t know what it wanted to be. It feels like the camera crew did most of their work with interview and stock footage or stuff from Stan’s personal collection of films and photos. The time spent with “The Man” himself seems very short. When you are with him, he’s basically at home with his wife and we get a brief look into their personal life. Now, this takes up a good 15 minutes from an 80 minute film and shows no real deep insights into the man. Just a brief voyeuristic glance behind closed doors for rabid fans like myself. Ultimately, it felt partly to be a film about Stan at home and Stan’s career. Both suffer from this. Personally, I’d like to see a doc on both but in an 80 minute film we don’t really get enough of either.

One more bummer is that there’s not a lot here for true geeks. Most of us know the majority of the stuff covered in the film. It’s still interesting to see some of the influences on Stan’s writing and creative process through juxtaposed footage of things going on in the world at the time. It’s still cool to see Stan tell it one more time, maybe different than you had heard it before, but there’s nothing groundbreaking to be found here. If you don’t know this stuff (aka: not a geek) the stories of how some of the Earth’s mightiest heroes were conceived is truly compelling stuff and should be sought out.

Don’t get me wrong, I picked up a few nuggets on the way. It was really cool to hear the stories of Stan in the creative room (known as the “Bullpen”). I never knew about the Merry Marvel Marching Society (which felt very Disney) and all the stuff about Stan and Jack Kirby in the early days is crack for geeks. Though, I’m not sure this will necessarily fill any true fan’s fix.

One of the reasons Stan is so great is the same reason reason comic book movies have become so great. They have taken the time to show us origins and make us care about the characters that run around in funny suits compelled to fight the forces of evil. This is exactly how Stan Lee put comic books on the map. One of the artists in the film relates a story where Stan told him that Spiderman wasn’t interesting. That it was the man behind the mask that was the real story. The thing people really cared about. Unfortunately, this film didn’t take that note. I would have liked to delve deeper into man behind Stan Lee instead of just rushing through highlights of his storied career.

I doubt this will be considered THEE Stan Lee documentary and I hope someone else will give it a try. Hopefully, before the man passes on. In the end, however, the filmmakers lucked out because Stan is the kind of guy that you could sit in front of a fixed camera for three hours, ask him to just talk and it would still be compelling. The man himself has a passion and exuberance that is contagious and compelling. For that reason alone, you should see it. Though, as hard as it is to say, I’m not sure you can’t just wait for it to come to Netflix.

♥♥♥

If you’re not a comic book enthusiast or don’t know anything about Stan Lee, I’m going to bump my score a bit. If you want to get the Cliff Notes on a historic career and amazing man, this may be the right film. For you:

♥♥♥♥

Excelsior!

The movie starts with a gas station bumpkin bored at work. He works at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and is just sitting outside, chillin’, while wearing his “I ♥ Bikinis” hat. Sometime tells me Kai marketed those. Anyway, bumpkin hears something and soon is attacked by what looks like a roadkill dog.

Then we meet Seth and Polly, a couple who aren’t married but they’re celebrating an anniversary anyway. Polly wanted to spend the anniversary camping and fucking under the stars. All Seth heard was “fucking” and he was there. And I’ll say Seth is one lucky son of a bitch cause he’s a good looking nerdy guy who probably couldn’t get a girl like Polly in real life, so I hope this actor enjoyed this part. Anyway, since Seth is such a geek, he can’t set a tent up right (besides the one in his pants) and breaks a pole. Actually, this scene provided a bunch of dirty “That’s What She Said” comments.

“Stick it in the hole!”

“Grab the pole!”

“Don’t bend it that way!”

“Can’t you get it in the hole!”

Oh my mind…

So the tent is broke and they pack it up and go find a motel. Then they meet the poor man’s Mickey and Mallory. They’re two convicts, I guess, running from the law after doing…something. It’s never really said. Just know the cops are after them, OK!?!? Anyway, their car breaks down but here comes Seth and Polly! So the guy flashes a gun and makes the couple move over for two more. After driving for awhile, Polly runs over an animal and they stop to check it out and also to fix the flat tire.

While fixing the flat, robber dude gets poked by something sticking out of the tires. Hmm…the girl is crazy as fuck and thinks the roadkill is a pet she had when she was a kid. Anyway, they get back into the car but the car overheats. So they stop at the same gas station the bumpkin works at, or use to work at anyway, and then shit hits the proverbial fan.

The girl goes to the bathroom to take more drugs or something when the bumpkin comes out and attacks her, killing her. Dude shoots the bumpkin and everyone locks themselves in the gas station. Dude sees the girl is alive and runs out to help her but no, she’s not. It’s just this weird parasite thing that feeds off of blood and can make a body move. Part of the girls hand is cut off and follows them into the gas station. Seth figures everything out and then they try to get help.

First a cop shows up kinda randomly but the weird monster thing attacks her and using it’s “splinters” attaches the cop to the dead body of the girl. It’s kinda cool actually. Another plan is to set fire to the nearby forest to get everybody’s attention but Seth smartly says they’re at a fucking gas station and the fire will hit them and blow them up before anyone even shows up. So they try to get the radio the cop had to for help but that doesn’t go so well. And the cut on the dude’s hand is getting more intense.

So Seth figures out a couple of things. First, it’s only attracted to heat, so the hotter the source, the most likely it’ll go after it. So they hide in a freezer. Then when the dude’s arm starts breaking cause the parasite is taking over, Seth cuts the dude’s arm of…WITH A BOX CUTTER!! I work with box cutters at work and I never thought in a million years they’d cut my entire arm off. But he manages to do it. Then Seth comes up with the plan to drop his body temperature to 90 degrees so the weird monster outside can’t find him while he goes to the cop car so they can get away, while Polly and dude throw fireworks out the back.

This plan doesn’t work cause the cop took the keys with her, which I call bullshit cause honestly if you know a robber/killer guy is inside, you’re not gonna go through the trouble of turning the car off and taking your keys out. But whatever, the keys are gone and Seth is quickly warming up. But then the movie decides to shit all over it’s own logic. They said that the monster was attracted to their car cause it was hotter than their bodies were. Well, while throwing fireworks, it caught onto the gasoline they poured to start the forest fire, causing half the gas station to get on fire. BUT THE MONSTER NEVER BOTHERED WITH THE FIRE!!

A fucking fire is going to be hotter than body temperature! What the fuck, man! Anyway, robber dude fights the monster off while Seth and Polly start to get away. Robber dude manages to kill the monster and then blow up the rest of the gas station. Seth and Polly hobble away and that’s pretty much the entire movie.

Besides some flaws and giant plot holes, this movie was pretty good. It was suspenseful and kept me interested in what was going to happen next. I like they didn’t spend too much time telling us where this parasite came from exactly cause it leaves a little mystery to the whole thing. I just wish they paid more attention to what they wrote, that’s all! I mean I love this movie as much as I love Wolf Creek!

♥♥♥

-Jason

Battleshit
Which came first – the title or the script?  The smart money says the title, but considering what the screenwriters (brothers Erich and Jon Hoeber) came up with – what with aliens attacking and all – it’s preferable to presume that this was some generic action script that was lying around in some bigwig’s office.  Then, when Universal made a deal with Hasbro to make their game(s) into a movie, some bright-eyed intern said, “Hey, why not just slap the title (brand) onto this existing piece of shit?”  Then everyone in the room celebrated the intern’s great idea by telling him to get them some fucking coffee before giving each other $20 bills to use as Kleenex to sop up the tears from their laughter.

At least, that’s how I’d like to picture it going down.

And to think – spoilerzz! – they didn’t even have the balls to insert, “You sunk my battleship!!” into the film.  Lame.

Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%

What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Sometimes I get depressed about, you know, existence and how meaningless we all are and how every pithy emotion and thought I’ve ever felt has already been felt by millions upon billions of people.  You know what I don’t fucking need?  A movie that reminds me of that sentiment and makes me feel like just another cog in the world population machine.  Can’t I just abide by the fantasy of being one of The Incredibles instead?

Or am I reading too much into this?

Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 11%

The Dictator
It’s funny – prior to this week, The Dictator seemed like a misfire for Sacha Baron Cohen.  It still might be, but in comparison to the week’s other wide releases, it’s friggin’ Valhalla.  It’s an oasis filled with Dr. Pepper in the desert.  It’s an Angel Food cake with chocolate frosting and Skittles on top (yum…my mom actually made me one of these for a birthday as a kid).  I think you get the picture.

I’m holding out hope.  Some reviews are trickling in, and even though they’re nowhere in the neighborhood of the reaction Borat received, the fact that they’re not absolutely trashing it is wildly encouraging.  After that first trailer with the Megan Fox/Kim Kardashian joke, I was terrified that this was going to go the Shrek/all current affairs/topical jokes route; it still might, but the second trailer (and the buzz) have me thinking that there might actually be some substance (and a lot more laughs) than originally perceived.

Dylan’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 57%

The greatest writer in film and television today (this is potentially arguable, but you will not change my mind) is Mr. Aaron Sorkin. Coming off of back-to-back Oscar-nominated years (for Moneyball and The Social Network, the latter of which brought him a victory) for adapted screenplay, he has moved back to television as writer and co-creator of “The Newsroom,” premiering this fall on HBO. Somehow, however, he is going to make time to write the new biopic centered around Apple founder Steve Jobs, based on the biography written by Walter Isaacson.

Few things excite me as much as seeing “written by Aaron Sorkin” on the screen, in either medium. I love re-watching “Sports Night” and “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” and I’m left, more often than not, with the very simple thought: “Goddamn, that guy can write.” His film credits, aside from the previously mentioned Oscar nominees, include other brilliantly written films like A Few Good Men and The American President (I won’t mention Charlie Wilson’s War, though… Damn, too late!). He knows what he’s doing. And I know I can’t wait to check out what he will do with the biography of such a well-known/respected man like Jobs.

Slight tangent  (but not really):

My love for his work was always combined with the hope that he wasn’t a complete dick. Based on his writing, I always harbored the fears that my favorite writer was a complete jerk. Recently, however, I started selling clothing (oh, yeah, I’m a manager at a men’s clothing store in Los Angeles) for “The Newsroom.” I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask the costumers and wardrobe ladies what type of guy Sorkin was. Was my favorite writer a jerk? No. Turns out, he’s a gracious guy who is just awesome at what he does and just seems to love nothing more than being creative and letting all of us in on what goes on in his head. As a writer (you might have seen some of my work before…  plus, I’m just like every other “that guy” in Los Angeles with a script I’d kill to see get made into a feature film) this makes me happy and as a fan, it leaves me relieved. And as a consumer, it leaves me excited. I can’t wait to see what he does next.

But what about you? I know I’m not alone…

CANNONBALL!

Or, rather, there’s a poster now for the much-anticipated sequel to Anchorman that was recently announced by Ron Burgundy himself:

But back to the poster….

Can those back two legs be explained to me, please? I’m just not sure how that could be two people (unless they’re each on one leg) so the only other option is… wait for it… different color pants legs!

Eh, who cares… it’s Anchorman. And I’m stoked. The first one is in my top 5 comedies of all-time, I love it, and I can’t wait to see this one… so much so that I’ve considered giving The Dictator a chance just to see the teaser that’s supposed to be before it (but then I remembered that I do the news for a film website and can probably figure out how to find it online in the coming days…).

Today marks a special day for the site. So special, in fact, that Kai and I decided to make a little video about it when he was visiting me in Arizona recently. Have a gander, will ya?

With that out of the way, a request for those of you that are members of the Large Association of Movie Blogs. If you are one, you ought to know that the 5th Annual LAMMY Awards have kicked off. As such, we would love for you to consider us in as many categories as you’ll willing to consider us for, but especially those listed below. Here’s where to go for more info and the link to the poll.

Everyone occasionally experiences discomfort during moments in film.  Sometimes these are intended, sometimes not.  Leaving out moments of violence or sex what still is left?  I imagine these lists are probably more personal than most, but inspired by a certain robot here is what I have to say at MILF this week, and stay tuned for Monday for a special dual post by Kai and myself who went to bat country.

5.  AMERICAN BEAUTY “THE KISS OF DEATH”

"This country is going straight to hell! "

There are several moments throughout this flick that incite moments of squirming in your seat, strange interactions, peculiar relationships, and all shown in ways that are exposed as all too realistic.  However, one of the final moments, when the judgmental, abusive soldier dad next door realizes he might be gay, has his breakdown and Cooper goes to Spacey, there are few other moments less uncomfortable in film.  Not because of the kiss, but because it is truly so intimate and the doom of what happens next. It’s important to share flour and  TP with your neighbors, but not kisses.

4.  THE PIANO “THE DRESS PEEK”

No quote for Harvey getting his PERV on here...........

Not unlike American Beauty this film is full of moments that are nothing short of awkward or uncomfortable.  More-so for me because the first time I  viewed it I watched it with my grandparents.  It couldn’t have made me more squeamish, but even now it’s not Harvey Keitel’s full frontal that gets me or really any of the other sexual innuendo, but the moment where he offers Holly Hunter so many keys just so he can look up her dress while she plays.  This was not sexy, nor creepy, just damn ewwwwww.

3.  TOP GUN “ICEMAN TEETH BITE”

"I am dangerous....Ice.................Man"

I’m an avid fan of the awfulness that is Top Gun, the bromance triangle of Goose, Iceman, and Maverick, even Kelly McGillis’s manliness I accept with good humor, but even after seeing the movie possibly fifty or more times in my life I still squirm when Iceman does his silly gum chewing bite at Maverick after calling him “dangerous” in the locker room.  It’s no wonder Kenny Loggins called it the “Danger Zone”.

2. SWINGERS “IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME”

"This isn't working out."

It’s not as though Jon Favreau’s character Mikey in Swingers could be less neurotic or possibly awkward until the moment where he actual acts lika normal guy around a really attractive girl, only to blow it by calling her that same night, over and over and over and over again, each message getting more and more painful to sit through until finally you start to empathize with his ex for leaving him.  He’s like a bunny with these claws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. SHORT CIRCUIT “STEPHANIE AND JOHNNY 5 DANCE”

"I need input STEFF-ON_EEE."

Short Circuit may not be one of the most noteworthy films of the 80′s but it does have it’s charming qualities, none that include Johnny 5′s solo interaction with STEFF-ON-EEEE……..but not even the strange moment in the bathtub is as strange as the moment where 5 whisks her into his robotic arms and dances spinning her around and around consummating some unnatural forced connection that may be the true inspiration for adult battery operated toys.

Remember, we here at Man, I Love Films don’t do definitive lists. We do our favorites and we want to hear yours. So, make sure and tell us about them in the comments section below.

It’s been twenty-five years since Fester (Christopher Lloyd), brother of Gomez Addams (Raul Julia), went missing. Ever since the falling out which Gomez believes precipitated his disappearance, the Addams clan gathers for a séance led by Granny (Judith Malina) to call to Fester. This year, they get an answer. That’s because Gomez’s lawyer Tully Alford (Dan Hedaya) has discovered that Gordon (Christopher Lloyd), the son of his loan shark Abigail (Elizabeth Wilson), is the spitting image of Fester. Together the trio plots to infiltrate the Addams family using Gordon to get their hands on the family’s countless riches. That is, assuming Gordon can survive life as an Addams.

At first passing, you’d almost think The Addams Family is a Tim Burton film, but it is actually the directorial debut of Barry Sonnenfeld. However, it was penned by two Burton familiars, Caroline Thompson who’s known for Edward Scissorhands and Larry Wilson of Beetlejuice fame. The result of their words and Sonnenfeld’s vision is a film that’s heavily laden with quick quips and visual zingers, but essentially unburdened by anything resembling a compelling plot.

That is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you simply want to be entertained by the spectacle, to leave your brain at the door and laugh as the monkeys dance. With The Addams Family, I’d advise keeping a sliver of your mind to understand the more elusive, dark-humored jokes, but most of the humor is of the silly, simple variety.

The Addams Family shines because of the cast who delivers every punchline with zeal and conviction. Julia’s unblinking stare and near-maniacal grin would make Gomez so creepy were he not so aloof. The glee he gets from Tully’s dirty pool is infectious as is his joy at Fester’s return. Anjelica Huston is equally delightful as Morticia. Huston makes the most dire and dreadful of possibilities seem pleasant, even alluring. As Wednesday, a young Christina Ricci glares with eyes as wide as saucers from beneath her pigtails, asking ominous questions and taking joy from the grotesque. Her potential in the acting biz really shines through. Whether he’s portraying Gordon or Fester, Lloyd is just plain freaky.

With over twenty years of age on it, The Addams Family doesn’t hold up in every aspect. The humor relies heavily on Thing (Christopher Hart) for many running gags (no pun intended), which now seem to just draw out the runtime more than inspire laughs. Also, I’m not sure if MC Hammer’s Addams Groove made the soundtrack that much more hip then, but it is now as ghastly and out-of-place as the Addamses would be at a summer camp. But that’s a subplot for a different movie. As far as The Addams Family is concerned, this Old Man can still get out there and Mamushka with the best of them.

♥♥♥