Hey, I like watching people getting eaten alive. What can I say? Now, I have a pretty heavy restriction in place for this list: no zombies. To me, that’s just too easy. There are a bajillion zombies eating a bajillion people in thousands of movies, so I decided to just throw them out automatically. I don’t think you’ll mind, though, because there are still plenty of people meeting their collective demise with expressions of sheer terror and/or regret. Fun for the whole family.
10) Franklin’s (Samuel L. Jackson) death in Deep Blue Sea
This is the most hilarious one on the list, and it’s only #10 because it’s over so quickly. Bonus points for the shark cutting Jackson off mid-speech, but when compared to the more drawn-out deaths I’m going to show you, I think this one barely makes the cut. Shark Attack 3 is also ridiculous.
9) That one dude’s death in Creepshow – The Crate
Apologies, but it’s been too long since I’ve watched this one, so I don’t remember the character getting eaten alive. But, in any case, we can all bask in the pinkish red glow of death that is visited upon him here. I’m undecided if I still think the creature looks totally awesome or totally retarded. I think it’s a combination of both.
8) Beni’s (Kevin J. O’Connor) death in The Mummy
Beni had this coming, so I don’t feel so bad that he not only realized he was trapped in the treasure room forever, but that there was also a giant swarm of flesh-eating scarabs making their way towards him as his torch died. The moral here is that you shouldn’t be a bastard, or you’ll get eaten alive.
7) Lumpy’s (Andy Serkis) death in King Kong
Being slowly digested by a giant worm is one of my few phobias in life. I don’t actually think that could ever possibly happen, but WHAT IF IT DID!?!?!? Oh, my god, the horror. Well, Andy Serkis’ character certainly found out the horror in this clip. I’d rather saw my own head off than have this happen to me.
6) Billy’s (Clint Curtis) death in Deep Rising
True, this clip doesn’t show the actual eating, but it depicts exactly why being devoured by a worm terrifies me so. It’s over-the-top, but I do not want to be that man. MY EYES! MY FACE! MY EYES AND MY FACE! BLARGGGHHH AHHHHHHH!
5) Belch’s (Drum Garrett) death in Stephen King’s It
If anyone deserves to get eaten alive, it’s a teenager who does nothing but burp in people’s faces. Oh, yea; he was also going to kill someone until Pennywise interrupted the party. You might question this pick, since no one actually gets eaten alive. But Belch gets broken in half and slowly pulled into a worm-like structure, right? So, in essence, his death fits right in with the rest of my picks. You just have to look at it a little differently. Also, it’s my list, so suck it.
4) Nicolai’s (Karel Roden) death in The Abandoned
I originally wanted Mason Verger’s death to take this spot, but Youtube blocked my video due to bullshit copyright crap, so this is the next best thing. It all evens out in the end, because you’re still getting a quality death by pigs. Granted, it doesn’t show the part where Nicolai actually gets eaten alive, but the death and aftermath are quite obvious. Yes, a pig is eating his crotch. I hope you had a good breakfast.
3) Paul Serone’s (Jon Voight) death in Anaconda
Well, Paul Serone got what was coming to him. So sorry. Bonus points for the shot from inside the snake before he gets devoured. I also totally forgot about Voight’s Judge Dredd face and awesome Cajun accent.
2) Gennaro’s (Martin Ferrero) death in Jurassic Park
One of the things that makes this death more terrifying than the rest is that it it’s at the hands of a Tyrannosaurus. Also, the lawyer is sitting on a toilet right before he gets bitten in two, so his life pretty much sucked and then it was over when a dinosaur ate him. The moral lesson here is that you should never be a lawyer.
1) Quint’s (Robert Shaw) death in Jaws
If this isn’t the most horrific thing you’ve ever seen, you and I should take a boat trip. We’ll figure something out. Long live Robert Shaw!