TRAILER TITILLATION: JOHN CARTER

The official trailer for John Carter, Disney’s latest attempt to create a blockbuster franchise, hit the internet today and instead of wasting time like I usually do, let’s get right to the nitty gritty:

Here’s the official plot synopsis, courtesy of my cohorts over at The Film Stage:

From Academy Award(R)-winning filmmaker Andrew Stanton comes “John Carter”–a sweeping action-adventure set on the mysterious and exotic planet of Barsoom (Mars). “John Carter” is based on a classic novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs, whose highly imaginative adventures served as inspiration for many filmmakers, both past and present. The film tells the story of war-weary, former military captain John Carter (Taylor Kitsch), who is inexplicably transported to Mars where he becomes reluctantly embroiled in a conflict of epic proportions amongst the inhabitants of the planet, including Tars Tarkas (Willem Dafoe) and the captivating Princess Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins). In a world on the brink of collapse, Carter rediscovers his humanity when he realizes that the survival of Barsoom and its people rests in his hands.

Although I like the music, I couldn’t help but laugh my way through this teaser. It looks ridiculous and the few bits of dialogue are insanely cheesy. I’m talking Prince of Persia levels of cheesy. But it’s just a teaser; maybe a more substantial look at it will change minds. Based on this alone though, John Carter has earned the right to get taken off of my radar for the forseeable future and as a diehard Friday Night Lights fan that pains me.

John Carter hits theaters (in 3D of course!) March 9, 2012.