One of the exciting things about writing for the vault is it gives me an opportunity to go back and watch films that I have never seen. Safe Men is one such film and it’s been residing on my Netflix Instant queue for far too long.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. Samuel (Sam Rockwell) and Eddie (Steve Zahn) walk into a bar. After five years, Eddie’s ready to call it quits on their lounge singing act, but Sam wants to talk it out over a couple of Sloe Gin Fizzes. Outside, Mitchell (Josh Pais) tries to convince his partner-in-crime, Frank (Mark Ruffalo), to share a celebratory drink after their latest heist. Frank’s been inconsolable since his break-up with Hannah (Christina Kirk) and refuses. Veal Chop (Paul Giamatti) is looking for a couple of guys to pull some jobs for his boss, Big Fat Bernie Gayle (Michael Lerner), and he’s got a hot tip that the best safe men in town enjoy a good Sloe Gin Fizz after a successful job.

I’m a big fan of both Sam Rockwell and Steve Zahn, so when I discovered the two of them headlining this indie flick, I had to watch it. Having seen it, I’m wondering why I bothered. It’s not that Safe Men is a bad movie, it’s just not a good movie. Maybe I should be more specific.

Rockwell and Zahn give commendable performances. They both play very awkward, insecure characters, though Rockwell is given more screen time to flex Sam’s ineptitude. Ruffalo’s forlorn, ‘stache-sportin’ Frank is another odd duck. This Paul Giamatti of pre-Sideways fame is equally great, though I can’t see him playing such a role, or wearing such gaudy parachute pants, now.

Safe Men touts what today would be considered a robust cast. Even recent Golden Globe winner Peter Dinklage makes a brief appearance. Of them all, Harvey Fierstein deserves the most kudos. As the fence, Good Stuff Leo, he recounts the sale of some questionable, yet fashionable slacks to a loyal customer, which is, hands down, the funniest damn two to three minutes of the film.

This mistaken-identities story lacks comedic flow. The jokes are set up and the punchlines follow…most of the time. Many times I wondered if whether the pay-off for certain elements had been left on the editing room floor or omitted from the script altogether. The plot, such as it is, is murky and all over the place.

It’s evident Safe Men was the first project for writer-director John Hamburg. Save for I Love You, Man, I’ve never cared much for Hamburg’s work. That said, thanks to strong casting, Safe Men will rank as the second best film of his that I’ve seen.

♥1/2