I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I am a sucker for violent movies, R-rated ones especially so. With Mark Wahlberg’s latest action-thriller, Contraband, opening today, it’s the perfect time to look back at Marky Mark’s first foray in the action genre; with the 1998 action-comedy The Big Hit.

Melvin Smiley (Mark Wahlberg) can’t stand the thought of anyone not liking him. His girlfriend, Chantel (Lela Rochon), is pissed and demanding money. His fiancé, Pam (Christina Applegate), would be pissed if she knew about Chantel. Pam’s parents, Mort (Elliott Gould) and Jeanne (Lainie Kazan), love that he gave them all his savings, but are going to be disappointed to discover he’s not Jewish. The clerk at Big Top Video has a personal vendetta against him for failing to return the VHS of King Kong Lives. And as his colleague, Cisco (Lou Diamond Phillips) points out, the hundred or so people Melvin’s killed in the last five years, more than likely have families that don’t think too highly of him.

Any one of those is good reason for why Melvin chugs Maalox, but he’s got bigger problems. Cisco ropes Melvin into joining the boys for an off-the-books kidnapping to earn some quick cash. Turns out their target, Keiko Nishi (China Chow) is the goddaughter of their crime boss, Paris (Avery Brooks), who enlists Cisco to find and kill the kidnapper. That spells capital B-I-G, big problems for Melvin.

If it sounds like The Big Hit has a ton going on, it’s because it does. It crams in a bunch of random, silly moments determined to be funny. The action scenes are a flurry of outlandish acrobatics and gun fu. The actresses, Applegate, Rochon and Chow, are little more than eye candy, particularly Chow in her schoolgirl get up. Wahlberg is shirtless on more than one occasion, treating audiences to that Good Vibrations physique. His fellow actors, Phillips, Bokeem Woodbine, and Antonio Sabato, Jr., dare to bare  even more, dropping trou to flaunt their chiseled derriere.

Ben Ramsey’s script is as exaggerated as Wahlberg’s blazing red hair. Cisco owns a boat named the Grande Pinocho. Woodbine’s Crunch is a masturbation-crazed hitman who delivers one of my all-time favorite lines. Cheesiest of all? Paris’s faceless hit squad roll out in mid-90′s model Plymouth Voyager mini-vans; the dull grey and wood-paneled kind, not even cool black ones with tinted windows!

Melvin is certainly not Wahlberg’s finest performance, but Lou Diamond Phillips and Avery Brooks are unforgettable. Cisco is an obnoxious, manipulative, self-indulgent asshole, and Phillips peacocks accordingly. The stark contrast of Cisco to Melvin’s soft-spoken, good-hearted hitman makes for the ultimate good versus evil confrontation.

The Big Hit is probably considered by many to be a mind-numbingly cheesy, groan-worthy cinematic experience. Maybe so, but I love it. It’s completely ridiculous (and a little heavy on the aerial transitions), but director Kirk Wong establishes that tongue-and-cheek tone right from the start. By the end, who cares how many times a character walks away from a certain death experience. All audiences want is a fun distraction… and to drool over Mark’s handsome mug.

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