If anybody knows anything about me, they know I don’t get scared that easily. The only things that really creep me out is ghosts, possession, and the thought of somebody being in my house without me knowing about it. I know that seems like a specific fear, but it’s possible. Especially after seeing movies like The Poughkeepsie Tapes, Evil Things, and just recently The Strangers.

The Strangers starts off with a couple who’s staying at an isolated house somewhere in the woods and we see them getting home from some dinner party and/or a wedding. The guy, James, wants to propose to his girlfriend Kristen, played by an out of place Liv Tyler, but Kristen rejects him for some reason. So they go home, depressed, and not knowing what to do next. It’s four in the morning and they talk about what to do next when there’s a knock on the door. Finding this kind of odd, they look and see a figure of a woman but can’t see her face. She asks for someone and leaves when James tells her she has the wrong house. What happens next gives me the jibblies.

James decides to out to a store to get some cigarettes (honestly, they’ll kill you), leaving Kristen alone. There’s another knock on the door and it’s the same girl again. Kristen tells her to go away and slams the door in her face. Then due to Kristen being a klutz, she causes the smoke detector to fall down and she can’t find her power cord for her cell phone. When she leaves and comes back, the smoke detector is in a different place and her cell phone is gone.

Fuck that, I would just run out the door and never look back. There’s even a part where a big dude in a mask is just barely off camera looking at Liv Tyler and fuck this movie I hate hate HATE that feeling! UGH!!

Anyway, the girl outside starts throwing things at the house and Kristen realizes someone is probably in the house, so she freaks out and hides until James returns. He doesn’t believe her at first until he notices his car has been vandalized and they can’t leave for help. It’s revealed that this house is James’ family’s vacation house. Two things. One: what the fuck is it with houses in the middle of fucking nowhere?!

Ok, I live in Indiana, in case you didn’t know. If I leave the city I live in, in any direction, I’m in the country. When I’m driving through the country, I look at the houses and for a brief moment think “It’d be neat to live out here, with no one to bother you and be able to have some peace.” Then I watch The Strangers and go “FUCK THAT SHIT! Neighbors all the way!!”

Two: when shit started getting super crazy and there was a point where it was mentioned there wasn’t a neighbor around, I would’ve just started a fire. Seriously, just start a fire. Someone’s bound to see that shit, it’ll probably distract the crazy people chasing you, and you can get away. But I guess cause it was his “vacation home” he didn’t want to.

So the rest of the movie is just three people in masks chasing James and Kristen around the house, terrorizing them and just freaking them out. At one point one of James’ friends show up and-HOLY SHIT IT’S DENNIS FROM “It’s Always Sunny”! WOW! But then something happens that I won’t spoil. In fact, I’ll stop here. I’ll just tell you this: the reason these people are doing this shit to them is simply because they were home.

UGH! Oh my god that’s fucking freaky! Ok, I’m done. I LOVED this movie, with one small exception and I mentioned it already: Liv Tyler. She’s just not horror movie material. She was kinda blah throughout the whole movie and kinda annoyed me at times. I would’ve been happier if they got ANYBODY else in this movie besides her. The dude was ok, even though he’s pretty much an unknown. I dunno where they got him from, but he was alright. I was more interested in the story and wondering what was gonna happen next and how far the three masked people were gonna take things. And boy…do they take it far.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take the doors off of my closets and cabinets. Ugh…

♥♥♥♥

-Jason