This is the point in the series where they stopped numbering them and just had sub-titles. So when looking up which one came after Part 3, I read the description and saw the words “in space” and went “Are you FUCKING kidding me? Why does Pinhead need to be in fucking space?!” So I went into this movie with LOWER expectations than the previous films and just prayed this movie wouldn’t kill me. And I’ll be totally honest…this movie wasn’t THAT bad.

Whoa, whoa whoa…WHOA! Before you throw tomatoes at your screens and start writing your angry comments, let me explain. It’s still a shitty movie. But it’s leaps and bounds better than Part 3, which just totally sucked.

We start off in the 22nd century and a dude named Merchant is sitting in a space station, looking into a locked room. Inside the locked room is a robot and in the robot’s hands is the puzzle box. Merchant is using the robot to open the puzzle box to purposely bring Pinhead onto the space station. Right when the box opens and Pinhead shows up, Merchant is caught by Space Marines. I’m assuming that’s what they are because in the future, there’s space marines everywhere.

The female space marine is interrogating Merchant and he tells her the story on what the hell he’s doing. And it starts in the 18th century. Jesus, talk about a LONG story. Anyway, we get a story on how the puzzle box was made and why it’s associated with demons from hell! WOW! This actually could be interesting and-

Oh, Merchant’s ancestor simply created the box and gave it to some Royal French dude who used a spell from the Necronomicon to summon ONE demon, named Angelique. That’s it. Oh yeah, you won’t believe this shit. So I saw this dude’s name in the credits and I thought “it can’t be THAT one, could it? It’s a common enough name.” But then he showed up as the Royal French dude’s assistant and I shit you not ADAM SCOTT from Step Brothers, Knocked Up, and NBC’s “Parks and Recreation” is in this god damn movie. Wow.

Anyway.

So 18th-Century-Merchant is upset about his puzzle box being used for demons and vow to make a new puzzle box to fight the evil puzzle box. This apparently involved stealing the puzzle box back, which makes the invention of a new one useless but whatever. While stealing this, he’s caught by Adam Scott and is killed.

Flashforward to 1996 and 20th Century Merchant is a designer and he works in the building that we saw at the end of Part 3. If you recall, it was designed just like the puzzle box because whatever her name was buried it in cement. Yeah. Anyway, since Angelique and Adam Scott are demons (Did I mention Adam Scott is a demon? He’s a demon.) they spot 20th Century Merchant and want to get him to make a bigger puzzle box to open the door to hell for whatever reason. Adam Scott isn’t happy about this and is killed by Angelique.

Angelique goes to NYC, finds 20th Century Merchant and tries to seduce him at a party. This doesn’t work, so she finds a random guy, takes him into the basement of the puzzle building and I swear to go she randomly punches a hole in a wall, finds the puzzle box, and opens it, killing the random guy. And Pinhead shows up. He tells her if she wants Merchant to design whatever, they need to use the direct approach, which is kidnap his wife and son.

This plan works and 20th Century Merchant designs the bigger box to open the door or something but something happens that wasn’t suppose to happen and something else happens. It’s all very unclear. All I know is Angelique is sent to hell, Pinhead kills 20th Century Merchant before disappearing.

Back to the “present” (AKA 22nd Century) Merchant is trying to convince the space marines he called Pinhead to space to finally kill him. I can’t explain the ending. It’s like….the space station they’re on is one giant puzzle box and through the use of the sun or something it kills Pinhead. Let’s go with that. So now that Pinhead is supposedly “dead” what the fuck happens in the next 20 movies? I suppose techically if they all happen in the 20th century, chronologically it’ll all make sense? Whatever.

So I will admit I found the whole three generations of Merchants fighting Pinhead interesting but much of everything else was stupid and not really worth a re-watch. After watching the piece of shit that is Part 3, this was a nice change. I have no idea where the series is gonna go from here. Africa? Japan? Antarctica?! WOW!

♥♥

-Jason