KAI’S TOP 17 HORROR MOVIE BADDIES

Why 17? Because this is an updated version of a post I wrote several years back that featured my Top 15. Could I have elongated it to 20? Sure, but I’m lazy so GET OFF MY BACK!

I felt like re-posting this because it’s October. Which means that Halloween is right around the corner and it’s time to start getting in the mood. Now, let’s be honest, Horror movies need three things to be great. Hot naked women, good gory kills and an unforgettable bad guy! Here’s my Top 15 of the latter (in order):

17. THE INVISIBLE MAN.

You have no idea how hard it was to find an image of this character! While the Invisble Man makes the list, I don’t think he’s achieved his full potential on film yet. The idea of a man, drunk on power, having the ability to move amongst us without our knowledge is a creepy thing as the possibilities for evil are endless. Hopefully, someone will find a way to translate that cinematically better than Hollow Man some day.

16. REAGAN.

My feelings on The Exorcist are well known so I’ll just say this… Reagan is on this list because she scares me so much that I’ve never been able to finish the movie. Rah-spect!

15. POLTERGEIST.

Theeeeey’re heeeeere. I had a huge tree outside my childhood window that scared the hell out of me after I saw this movie. Luckily, I knew better than to collect clown dolls. Why everyone doesn’t, I’ll never know. This list would be incomplete if it didn’t include some form of spectre and, in that department, Poltergeist is my former number one. The scary thing about them is that you don’t know how to get rid of them and never really know if they’re TRULY gone. Not to mention, the bad Karma that surrounded the making of this film makes it all the more creepier. Speaking of creepy…

14. JIGSAW.

The Saw films really screwed up my life. You have no idea how many epic battles of Monopoly and Jenga I’ve missed out on because every time someone says Do you want to play a game? I yell NO! The franchise has been a bit all over the place, though I do maintain that the first film is very smart and an instant classic. The one constant is the very self-righteous Jigsaw whose legacy lives on even far after he leaves this world.

13. THE CREEPER.

The 80′s was a great time for iconic horror movie characters with interesting mythologies. While a lot of good Horror films have come out since, Jeepers Creepers is one of the few that did a great job of building off what made those films great. An interesting bad guy with a great back story: A monster who regenerates by itself by eating others and it feeds for 23 days, every 23 years.

12. THE THING.

The first time I saw this film, I was blown away! What’s scarier than a parasitic E.T. that kills other organisms and then begins to imitate them? How about a parasitic ET that kills other organisms and then begins to imitate them that’s trapped with you in a small research facility in the Antarctic?

11. NEIL MARSHALL’S WEREWOLVES.

I’ve got to admit that I never really found Werewolves particularly scary on film with a few exceptions like An American Werewolf in London. However, the scariest Bad Doggies of them all come from Neil Marshall’s Dog Soldiers. I would hate to be in a kitchen knife fight with one of these Wookies on steroids. Sucks to be that guy!

10. MICHAEL MYERS.

Admittedly, I’m not a huge fan of the Halloween movies. The first is fantastic but my interest waned after that. That includes your movies too, Mr. Zombie. Still, there’s no doubting the spook factor of this maniac nor his place in film history. Michael Myers remains one of the top three when it comes to classic Horror slasher characters.

9. THE BLOB.

The Blob tends to get treated a bit unfair under this kind of list making scrutiny because it is an older film that can seem sort of campy at times. But I’m giving this the respect it deserves. The Blob is truly is a disturbing and scary thing. Think about it. An unstoppable, well, Blob that eats everything that gets in it’s path and gets bigger with every bite it takes. This film disturbed a very young Kaiderman and for that I say Thank You!

8. CHUCKY.

How many of you left your dolls in the hallway at night after seeing this film? I threw mine in the dumpster. What’s scarier than a talking doll that comes to life? A talking doll that comes to life as a 40 year old serial killer with the mouth of a sailor who’s hell bent on inhabiting your body!

7. JASON VORHEES.

Another one of the top 3 slasher killers of all time, Jason makes the list for being arguably the most iconic Horror character in film history. How can he not be with that trademark Hockey mask and machete? However, the Friday the 13th films succeed, again, from creating a creepy mythology behind the character and for making us all afraid to go into the woods.

6. LEATHERFACE.

Leatherface is one of the creepiest characters ever created. No small feat considering he comes from one hell of a creepy clan. While movies about backwoods families have become commonplace, this film is the one that kicked off the craze and succeeds because it was made for so cheap that it borders on looking like a snuff film.

5. 80′s & 90′s VAMPIRES.

I was never a fan of Bram Stroker or Nosferatu and I certainly don’t find the new twinkly vampires all that scary but, I have to admit, that we had a pretty good two decade run at showcasing one of the scariest movie monsters ever created. From Fright Night to Lost Boys to Interview with the Vampire and even up until Blade, the 80′s & 90′s rocked at depicting bloodsuckers on the big screen.

4. TOBY.

At least that’s what they call him in Paranormal Activity 3. Kind of a sissy name for a totally badass demon. God, I hope he didn’t hear that! It seems like there’s two camps when it comes to the PA movies. Those who thought they were scary as hell and those that hate oscillating fans. Well, I am all in, folks. I love this trilogy (except for the end of part three but that’s a story for another time). The first film had a thirty-something Kaiderman leaving his hallway light on for a month.

3. ALIENS.

Aliens have been depicted a lot of different ways in film over the years but none have come close to being as scary as those in the Aliens films. We’re talking about a crab that comes out of an egg, gestates in your mouth, bursts out of your stomach and then tries to round you up and kill you or use you to breed. Not to mention it has acid for blood.

2. FRED KRUEGER.

Easily the greatest slasher of all time. I doubt anyone will argue this pick. While Freddy became pretty campy towards the end of his run on film, he started out as one hell of a scary killer. Again, thriving on a creepy back story (that is barely explained), a former child killer who was burned alive by the town’s parents returns to seek revenge on their children in their dreams… and he wears a glove made of knives. I mean, come on!

1. ZOMBIES.

Braaaaaaaaaains!!! I doubt this surprises anyone as I talk about Zombies constantly so I’ll just say this. I have been a staunch advocate of Zombies being the greatest movie monster ever created for a long time. I have no intention of letting up now!